These strategies will teach your child how to cope with stress, not be afraid of rejection, and see problems as temporary obstacles.
Psychotherapist Amy Maureen, author of 13 Things Strong Personalities Avoid, shared how to teach children how to cope with minor difficulties to unsettle more serious adult problems.
1. Do not protect your child from difficulties
If you constantly protect him in all situations, he will not learn to act independently. Difficulties and hard work are part of life, and sometimes it isn’t easy. Children who understand this adapt well to all circumstances.
“The job of parents is to help their child developmental endurance skills,” says Maureen. “And to support him when he has difficulty with something.”
2. Learn to perceive rejection correctly
Dealing with the word “no” is an essential skill, and Maureen gives an example of when it can be developed. Imagine that your child is not on a sports team. Naturally, you will want to call the coach and try to work things out. But don’t be in a hurry. Refusal will help your child learn a good life lesson; failure is not the end. And he has enough strength to cope with failure, and after loss, there is always a choice.
3. Disapprove the victim’s mindset
“When children talk about their difficulties, they often tend to shift the responsibility onto others,” explains Maureen. “For example, a child wrote the test poorly and said that the teacher did not understand the material.” Of course, parents will want to support their child: to take his side, to make the situation fairer. But this is a dangerous endeavor.
It is necessary to explain to the child that life is not fair, but he has enough strength to accept it. Parental attempts to fix everything reinforce children the idea that they were treated wrong and victims. And if this is repeated over and over again, learned helplessness can develop. Don’t let this happen.
4. Help emotionally and provide the necessary skills
If your child needs some skills or tools to solve a problem independently, try to give them. Don’t leave your children unsupported, and don’t ignore the fact that they are emotionally difficult. It is important to maintain a balance here; show that you understand the child and sympathize with him, but retreat in time and allow him to cope with the problem himself.
It is also essential to talk to children about their feelings. This will develop the skill of discussing emotions in adulthood. And besides, it will help to overcome difficulties easier.
5. Explain how to express emotions
When children can’t talk about their feelings, they usually take them out on others. As a result, they grow into people who don’t know what to do with anger or sadness. Help the children feel comfortable talking about their emotions out loud. This will teach them to think about what caused them, making it easier to tolerate them.
In other words, if a child can say, “I’m angry,” they are less likely to kick you in the shin to show it.
6. Learn to calm down without assistance
For example, create a “comfort kit” with coloring pages and plasticine and remind your child of this when he is upset. This will instill the idea that we ourselves are responsible for our feelings, and we can calm ourselves. And will gradually strengthen the ability to cope with difficult situations.
7. Admit your own mistakes. And fix them
Parenting mistakes are an opportunity to show your child that we all make mistakes. Anyone can get angry and yell at someone or forget about important business. Parents should show by example, how to admit mistakes and correct them. This will give the child the understanding that everything can get better if you honestly talk about your mistake and correct what you have done.
8. Praise not for the result, but the effort
They usually say, “You got a good grade because you are smart.” Although it would be better to say: “You got a good grade because you studied hard.” The first option can lead to long-term negative consequences.
“If you praise just the results, kids start cheating, thinking that the most important thing is getting an A, no matter which way,” explains Maureen. We need to teach them that it is important to be honest, and kind to make efforts. Therefore, it is better to praise for diligence.
Adapted and translated by Wiki Avenue Staff
Sources: Life hacker