True love is the constant work of both partners. Popular author Mark Manson asked his blog readers for advice on relationships. More than 1,500 people wrote to him about their experience. And using this material, Mark deduced the basic rules of sustainable relationships.
However, first, it is worth remembering the reasons why they should not be started at all.
- Pressure from family or friends.
- Naive kind of love. When it seems that love is the solution to all problems and the only meaning of life.
- Self-doubt or complexes. This inevitably leads to unhealthy relationships: we love our partner only as long as they help us feel better. And in such conditions, real intimacy cannot appear.
1. Be realistic
True love is not like romantic love, which makes us ignore the flaws in our partner. It’s a choice. This is the constant support of another person, regardless of the circumstances. It understands that your relationship will not always be cloudless. This is the need to deal with your partner’s problems, fears, and thoughts, even when you don’t feel like it at all.
Such love is more prosaic; it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. Indeed, in the end, it brings real happiness and not another short-lived euphoria.
2. Respect each other
This is the main thing in a relationship. Not attraction, not common goals, not a religion, not even love. There will be times when you start to feel like you don’t love each other anymore. But if you lose respect for your partner, you won’t be able to get him back.
Communication, no matter how open and frequent it may be, will, in any case, come to a dead end. Conflicts and grievances cannot be avoided.
The only thing that will help save your relationship is unwavering respect. Without this, you will always doubt each other’s intentions, condemn the choice of a partner and try to limit his independence.
Besides, you also need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you can’t feel like you deserve your partner’s respect. You will constantly try to prove that you deserve it, and as a result, you will only harm your relationship.
- Never complain about your partner to your friends. If you are unhappy with something about his behavior, discuss it with him, rather than with friends and family.
- Respect that your partner may have interests, hobbies, and views that are different from yours.
- Consider the opinion of your half. Remember, you are one team. If one person is dissatisfied, you need to look for a solution to the problem together.
- Don’t keep everything to yourself; discuss any problems. You shouldn’t have taboo topics of conversation.
Respect is directly related to trust. And trust is the basis of any relationship (not just romantic). Without it, a feeling of closeness and calmness cannot arise.
3. Discuss all problems
If something does not suit you, be sure to discuss it. No one will improve your relationship with you. The main thing for maintaining trust is the absolute honesty and openness of both partners.
- Share your doubts and fears, especially those that you don’t tell anyone else. This will help not only heal some mental wounds but also better understand your partner.
- Keep your promises. The only way to restore trust is to keep your word.
- Learn to distinguish between your partner’s suspicious behavior and your own complexes. Usually, during quarrels, one person thinks that his behavior is completely normal, while it seems absolutely wrong to another.
Trust is a bit like a china plate. If it falls and breaks, then with great difficulty, it can still be glued again. If you break it a second time, there will be twice as many fragments, and it will also take more time and effort to put them together. But if you drop the plate over and over again, in the end, it will split into such small pieces that it will be impossible to glue them together.
4. Don’t try to control each other
We often hear that relationships require sacrifice. There is some truth in this; sometimes you really have to give up something. But if both partners constantly sacrifice themselves, they are unlikely to be happy. In the end, such a relationship will only harm both of them.
Each person should be an independent person with their own views and interests.
Trying to control your partner to make him happy (or allowing him to control your own actions) is not going to get you anywhere.
Some are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. This may be due to a lack of trust or lack of self-confidence. The less we value ourselves, the more we will try to control our partner’s behavior.
5. Be prepared for both of you to change
Over time, you and your partner will change – it’s perfectly natural. Therefore, it is important always to be aware of the changes taking place and treat them with respect.
If you plan to spend several decades together, you need to be prepared for difficulties and unforeseen situations.
Many couples’ significant changes include a change in religion and political views, a move to another country, or the dead relatives'(including children).
When you start dating, you only know who this person is now. You never know what it will be like in five or 10 years. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. Of course, this is not easy. But the ability to quarrel correctly can help here.
Adapted and translated by Wiki Avenue Staff
Sources: Life hacker