You can spend your whole life worrying about other people’s opinions. Or you can become smarter and save yourself a lot of nerves.
Why we care about someone else’s opinion
Everyone wants to be attractive in the eyes of others. Many people constantly monitor their Facebook and Instagram pages, counting likes, and comments. To please others is an inborn desire.
As we get older, we learn to separate our thoughts and emotions from others’ opinions, but many of us continue to seek, and in some cases, ask for approval from others for our actions. This can lead to serious problems, especially when it comes to self-esteem and happiness. A recent survey was conducted with 3,000 participants. 67% of the respondents admitted that their self-esteem directly depends on the opinions of other people.
We react to everything that surrounds us. We have long-standing expectations about how the world should work and how the people who inhabit it should behave. And one of our well-established beliefs is that we know how other people should react to us, to our appearance and behavior.
Read also: 5 Signs That You Don’t Love Yourself
About 100 years ago, sociologist Charles Cooley developed the theory of the mirror self, the essence of which is as follows.
I am not what I think of myself and I am not what others think of me. I am what I think about what others think of me.
This proves, once again, how much we attach importance to the opinions of other people. However, we forget that other people often judge us based on their past experiences, habits, and feelings – everything that has nothing to do with us.
When you fully rely on the judgment of other people, you try to please them in every possible way, rise in their eyes, and ultimately lose your self. But the good news is that we can stop it. We can become self-sufficient and not look back at others, wondering how they evaluate every step.
How not to worry about someone else’s opinion
1. Remind yourself that many people don’t think about you at all
We would be less worried about what others think of us if we realized how rarely they do it.
Ethel Barrett, writer
Nothing could be closer to the truth than this statement. Other people have better things to do than sit and think about you. If it seems to you that someone thinks badly of you, mentally criticizes you, stop; maybe this is a game of your imagination? Perhaps this is just an illusion that is fueled by your inner fears and self-doubt. If you constantly berate yourself, it will become a real problem that will poison your whole life.
2. Think with your head
Sit down and calmly think about the place of other people’s opinions in your life. Reflect on situations in which the assessments of others are meaningful to you. Determine how you react to them. If you understand that others’ assessments and opinions determine your self-esteem, then consider changing your behavior.
Tell yourself, “Instead of relying on others again; I will learn to listen and hear my own thoughts and think exclusively with my head.” Learn to cut off unnecessary noise, separate the wheat from the chaff. The more often you do this, the sooner it will become a habit.
The ultimate goal of all of this is never to let others’ opinions determine who you are and how you live. Understand that no one will ever be able to make you feel like a “little person” unless you yourself give him this power.
3. Feel free – do not seek to know what others think of you
When people start showing their creations to the public, such as blogging, they often worry if others will like it. They worry even more when they torment themselves with the thought that other people do not like their work. Until one day, they realize how much strength and energy they spend on these useless experiences.
Have a new mantra that you repeat to yourself day after day.
This is my life, my choice, my mistakes and my lessons. I shouldn’t care what others think about it.
4. Pay attention to what is really important
People will always think about what they want. You cannot control the thoughts of others. Even if you choose your words carefully and you have excellent manners, this does not mean that you will be good for everyone. Everything can be misinterpreted and turned upside down.
What really matters is how you measure yourself. Therefore, when making important decisions, try to be 100% true to your beliefs and values. Never be afraid to do what you think is right.
Start by listing 5-10 qualities that are important to you. For instance.
- honesty
- self-respect
- self-discipline
- compassion
- focus on success and so on.
If you have such a list, you will be much less likely to make unweighted decisions, you will have a system of principles, and in the end, you will have something to respect yourself for.
Also read: How to Stop Pleasing Others: 5 Steps to Independence
5. Stop thinking that not liking someone is the end of the world.
What if they don’t like me? What if a person who is not indifferent to me will refuse me? What if I am considered black sheep? These and similar questions torment people too often. Remember: if someone does not like you and even if the person you are dear to doesn’t feel like you, this is not the end of the world.
But we continue to fear this particular mythical “end of the world” and allow fears to prevail over us while constantly feeding them.
Ask yourself, “If my fears come true, and the worst happens, what will I do?” Tell yourself a story (or rather write it down) about how you will feel after rejection, how you will be disappointed, and then realize that this is a negative but still an experience, and you will move on. This simple exercise will help you understand that not liking someone is not so bad.
Adapted and translated by Wiki Avenue Staff
Sources: Life hacker
