Self-reliance limits opportunities and leads to burnout. Independence is positioned as excellent quality. And rightly so, an adult capable person should be able to take care of himself.
But the concept of “independence” is often distorted and exaggerated, implying that you need to completely abandon support and assistance and independently cope with absolutely any situation, even a very difficult one. This approach can be very harmful.
Why is it dangerous to be strong and independent
Psychologists believe that there is a direct correlation between life satisfaction and the ability to trust other people in case of difficulties and rely on them. In the opposite direction, this also works; if a person violently proves his status as strong and independent, he risks being isolated, leading to depression. But this is not the only problem.
This leads to burnout.
“Since I am independent, I have to do everything myself. Don’t ask for help; don’t delegate tasks, don’t try to make them easier. ” Such logic is guided by those who take independence literally. And so they really try to proudly pull the strap all alone at work and at home, refuse help, and even not allow themselves to relax.
This leads to tremendous fatigue, emotional stress, and, ultimately, burnout when there is not enough strength even for basic tasks. Because to take on everything and live with the feeling that no one will take this burden off you, and it’s really very hard.
It takes away interesting opportunities.
People who never ask for help are less likely to make good connections, learn something new, or get an interesting offer.
For example, a person is looking for a job. He can immediately go to a site with vacancies, or he can first ask around from friends, ask subscribers in social networks, and ask them to repost his resume. Word of mouth may lead him to a good employer who needs a new employee but prefers to look for him among “his own.” And the “independent” candidate would never have come up with this proposal if he had not asked friends for help.
This increases the risk of being alone.
In no case should you depend on other people not only financially but also emotionally. And any close relationship is a real addiction. You no longer fully belong to yourself. You become more vulnerable; plans and goals need to be adjusted by your partner’s goals and plans.
A person who painfully wants to be independent can reason like this and will carefully avoid intimacy. This means that he runs the risk of building such a thick wall around himself that no one can break through it.
This increases the chances of error.
Strong and independent people prefer not to consult with anyone and rely only on their own minds and knowledge. At the same time, they can miss something important and make a serious mistake, “mess things up.”
Let’s say a person wants to buy a house and chooses it himself, without consulting friends who already have this experience, or with consultants who help check the property and choose the right one. Everything may end well, but there is a risk that a person will be deceived. For example, after the purchase, serious technical flaws or problems with documents will be revealed. And all this could have been avoided if someone had looked at the situation with a fresh, clean look.
It makes it difficult to give free rein to feelings.
Independent means no whining, no snot, and weakness. You cannot admit that you feel bad and sad. You need to hold your tail with a pistol, behave according to the principle of ” smile and wave,” and generally show in every possible way that you have everything under control.
Read also: How to Stop Hating Your Body.
The only problem is that blocking negative emotions can lead to depression and other mental disorders.
What it means to be addicted and why it’s not always bad
There is nothing terrible in moderate dependence on other people. It does not make a person weak and useless for anything. Being moderately dependent on someone does not mean sitting on his neck and refusing to solve his own problems. In fact, it is the ability to trust another person, rely on him, ask him for support, and help, if needed.
And this approach, according to psychologists, has its advantages.
- You take some of the burdens off yourself when you ask for help or delegate tasks.
- You increase your efficiency by collaborating with others.
- You can learn a lot and gain valuable experience.
- You make your relationship stronger and deeper because you behave more openly and learn to trust your partner.
Adapted and translated by Wiki Avenue Staff
Sources: Life hacker