If you are insulted, humiliated, or ridiculed, remember this advice, and negative emotions will not get the best of you. One Eastern wisdom says: “It takes two hands to clap your hands.” For a conflict to flare up, two or more people are needed. If one of them remains calm, there will be no incident. Checked. But how exactly do you keep calm?
There is such an anecdote
– How do you manage everything and remain an optimist?
– I don’t argue with anyone.
– But this is impossible!
– Impossible so impossible.
It’s easy to become such a person if you know one secret. Everything that the interlocutor tells you is a projection of his inner conflict. This has nothing to do with you. You just fell under the arm.
When any person says something like “You are a slob,” “You are rude,” “You don’t understand what you are talking about,” “Brake, look where you are going,” it touches us to the core. What right does he have to say that? What did he think of himself? Why does he think I am like that? We either get offended, or we start to conflict and defend our innocence.
Now imagine a different situation. The same person comes up to you and shouts: “I’m a slob,” “I’m rude,” “I don’t understand what I’m talking about,” “I’m a brake, I don’t see where I’m going.” This behavior causes nothing but a smile. So, any accusation of something to another person stems from the speaker’s internal conflict. If he does not have a fad on this topic, a mental struggle, then he will not notice this in you.
A person always speaks only about what worries him personally. This has a very indirect relationship to the interlocutor. Any banter or accusation speaks only of what a person does not like in himself or cannot come to terms with. It’s not about you; it’s about him. Communication with you only reveals this.
Being engaged in conflict management, researching the origin and development of conflict over the past few years, I have never seen an exception to this rule.
So look at your reaction. Replace “you” with “me”. And smile. As if the person had just publicly accused himself.
Agree; after understanding this issue, it will become easier to respond calmly. Just do not try to explain this to your interlocutors! This is meaningless and dangerous: people are sometimes not ready to perceive information about their own internal conflicts. Just listen, smile. After realizing internal conflicts and their external manifestations, life changes, family relations and work improve.
But note; there is a downside to the question too. Observe what you yourself are talking about to others. For what reason are you ready to conflict? Why are you expressing your thoughts this way? What are you shouting to the world?
If you’re talking about computer addiction to children, see what you’re addicted to and why it hurts you. If you are talking about others’ selfishness, you have not reconciled with your own selfishness. Our behavior in conflict is always a cry of inner pain.
Adapted and translated by Wiki Avenue Staff
Sources: Life hacker