The victim’s position leads to the fact that a person ceases to play a decisive role in his own life. Psychotherapist Wayne Dyer, in his book “How to Get Rid of a Victim Complex,” explains what to do to act like a free person today.
What Does It Mean to Be a Victim
These signs will help you understand that you are in the position of the victim.
1. You have no control over your own life.
The victim is forced to think, behave, and even dress. The steering wheel is almost always in the wrong hands.
Victims are primarily those who spend their lives under the dictation of other people. They find that they are doing things that are deeply unsympathetic to them, or they are drawn into activities that are alien to them, which mainly bring only a feeling of regret.
“How to get rid of the victim complex”
2. You act from a position of weakness
People with a victim complex often feel that they are not smart enough or capable enough to be proactive. Therefore, they choose a position of weakness; they shift important decisions to others. Victims avoid being independent even in small things; they give up the right to choose a dish in a cafe or obediently go to a movie that they do not want to watch.
3. Life doesn’t work for you
If it seems that you are wasting all your energy and time to please others, are forced to adjust, and do what you don’t like out of a sense of duty, then you are in the position of a victim.
4. Anxiety and self-deprecation are your companions
The victims suffer from an inferiority complex. They demean themselves in every possible way in internal dialogue and front of other people. This shows up even in small things. For example, a person does not accept compliments, leaves a burnt piece of pie for himself, or agrees to a low salary.
How to Get Out of the Victim Position
Follow just two important guidelines.
1. Believe in your importance and defend it
The first step to overcoming the victim complex is realizing the value of your personality. Don’t let anyone dispute or belittle your importance. Never put yourself below others.
2. Begin to act as a strong person
Develop the habits of free and independent people, get rid of self-condemnation, and complain about life. Do not expect gifts from fortune; rely on your own strength.
Practice Confident Behavior in Everyday Situations
To become a strong person, you do not need to perform feats or control others. It is enough to act from a position of strength in ordinary life situations. Practice regularly, and over time, confident behavior will become second nature to you.
Here are some tips to put into practice daily.
1. Stop asking permission from others
This, of course, is not about forgetting about politeness and invading other people’s boundaries. The bad habit of victims is that they ask permission for actions within their boundaries and should be performed without someone else’s permission.
Be clear about your legal claims or be open about your intentions. Instead of the question “Can I exchange an item?” put the seller in front of the fact: “I want to return money for the suit, it is not my size.” Don’t ask your partner if you can go to a party or a soccer game. Communicate your plans directly, without excuses or a guilty tone.
You are an adult and can act in your own interests without someone else’s permission.
2. Show confidence in the conversation
Look at your interlocutor in the eyes, speak clearly, without long, uncertain pauses and interjections, do not go in circles. Posture and facial expressions are essential. Stand up straight (stoop is a sign of an insecure person), do not grimace, get rid of nervous gestures.
3. Don’t help people if you don’t want to
This may sound not polite. But how many times have you already lent when you didn’t want to? Or how many times have you listened to comrades’ complaints about life simply because it is supposed to be? Refusal does not make you a bad and callous person. Remember, if you act like a victim in helping other people, you will be used. Do good deeds with a pure heart and free will, not out of decency or guilt.
4. Don’t be afraid to talk about yourself and share it with others.
Victims often pick up on every word and fear that any information will be used against them. Don’t torment yourself with these kinds of fears. Years of fear to show your true nature in public leads to the fact that you forget who you really are and what you want.
Communication is meaningless and empty if you do not open up to other people.
Of course, the information should correspond to the situation and the degree of trust between the interlocutors. Don’t go to extremes. Balance is another sign of a strong personality.
5. Demand high-quality performance of services for which you pay
Check store receipts, restaurant bills, expiration dates, and product safety. If you are unsatisfied with our services’ quality, do not hesitate to ask for replacement or compensation. Don’t let the people you pay turn you into a victim. Do not brush off and silently leave the store or restaurant – demand quality service, a replacement dish, or a refund.
Learn and exercise your consumer rights. For your money, you have the right to receive a good product or delicious food. This does not mean that you should argue and make scandals anyway. The client can always vote with a ruble – refuse to pay for poor service or spoiled goods. Going to a restaurant or store that doesn’t put you at anything is the lot of the victim.
Adapted and translated by Wiki Avenue Staff
Sources: Life hacker