Loved people are not tortured – they are taken care of. In this article, we will talk about relationships with ourselves and others. Read on!
What is self-love
It is a pity that you cannot open some books or do serious research and write out from there point by point what it means to “love yourself.” But psychologists often compare this feeling with love for other people, especially children.
What do you do if you truly love someone? Accept this person for who they are. You see a lot of good in it, but you don’t notice the bad or prefer not to focus on it. You say many pleasant words to him and try to avoid unpleasant ones. You take care of him and strive to make him feel good.
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The same can be said about self-love. It consists of several components
- acceptance of oneself along with all the shortcomings
- refusal of criticism and condemnation
- sincere concern for your physical and mental well-being
- careful handling of your feelings and mood
- protection of personal boundaries
- awareness and understanding of what you really need and what is imposed from the outside
Self-love is not narcissism, not a caricatured obsession with one’s own person, but a normal healthy feeling. It helps to feel happy and adequately interact with other people and the world in general.
How to understand that you do not love yourself, even if you don’t think so
1. You torment yourself with diets
The most common misconception about keeping yourself in shape is: “If you want to lose weight, just eat less.” Some people take this phrase literally and begin to cut back on their diet without understanding the causes of excess weight. And sometimes there are no extra pounds – they exist only in the head of a person. But he starves himself to meet certain standards.
All of this can lead to sad consequences. People start to eat lettuce, practice extreme diets, and worry about too many calories in a cup of sugar-free coffee.
But the paradox is that fasting doesn’t help you lose weight.
It is better to eat tasty and balanced food, not force your body to starve and suffer. And if the weight begins to cause discomfort, you should consult a doctor and first deal with the cause of the problem. It may not be in nutrition at all.
2. You wear uncomfortable clothes and shoes
It’s nice to dress in what you like. You immediately feel more confident. Some are ready to put up with the inconvenience; they wear tight dresses in which it is impossible to breathe, tight jeans that dig into the sides and stomach, or shoes that turn their feet into bloody stuffing.
But there is no point in mocking yourself to look a certain way. After all, it is quite possible to choose clothes and shoes that will be beautiful and comfortable at the same time. Do not tolerate pain or discomfort.
Clothes are made for man, not man for clothes.
3. You are doing dangerous beauty treatments
A visit to a beautician, hairdresser, or massage therapist is taking care of yourself. But there are exceptions. Some of the manipulations that the beauty industry offers are painful, dangerous, and completely pointless. For example, anti-cellulite and modeling massages leave bruises on the body. Eyelash extensions end in injury, edema, or inflammation of the eye. And plastic surgery is a serious complication. More often than not, people do all this not because they love themselves, but because they do not accept them for who they are.
In pursuit of beauty and youth, the boundaries between normal and pathological striving to change something in themselves begin to blur for many. There are undoubtedly objective reasons for plastic surgery. As practice shows, many women, for subjective, internal reasons, do not accept their bodies. In essence, we are talking about self-harm – painful deliberate damage to one’s body. We know what consequences often arise after operations and cosmetic procedures.
Unfortunately, it is an illusion that changing one’s appearance significantly affects the quality of life. On the contrary, inner peace of mind and life satisfaction will accept both natural age-related changes and some physical disabilities.
Whenever you feel like doing something potentially dangerous, ask yourself why you need it. What is behind the dissatisfaction with your appearance in your case? Are you really willing to endure pain and risk health for the sake of a large breast or a face without expression lines? If your answer is “yes,” choose trusted professionals: saving on health is a bad idea.
4. You sacrifice sleep
If you regularly sleep less than 7 hours a day, and the time gained in this way is devoted to working, family, or hobbies, then frankly, this is dubious. You pay the price for a couple of extra hours of walking. Some of the effects include weight gain, high blood pressure, diabetes, and other unpleasant things. No work is worth it, and close people hardly wish you such a fate. If this rest schedule is associated with insomnia, be sure to see your doctor. This may be a symptom of another, more serious medical condition.
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5. You always help everyone
Situations vary, and sometimes someone might actually need your help. For example, a loved one is sick and asks you to go to the pharmacy. But such cases are rather an exception.
Most of the problems people can solve on their own, especially if they think well or pay specialists. But they do not do this, simply because they are lazy or do not want to spend their own resources.
In responding to all requests, you sacrifice your interests, time, energy, and money. That is, put others first, not yourself. Sometimes, most people don’t say no to such behavior lies in fear of appearing to be a bad person and provoking a conflict, in the desire to earn sympathy and praise.
If you are systematically asked to work for free, give someone a ride, sit with other people’s children, or answer questions that google knows very well, think about how much this help will cost you. If it doesn’t require much effort – why not. But if you have to sacrifice your interests, remember that you are the most important person for yourself, and refuse.
Adapted and translated by Wiki Avenue Staff
Sources: Life hacker
